Did she really just say that?

I have the pleasure of being in my cousin ephanie's wedding in December. Today was the day that I called in my measurements. It ranks right up there with wearing a bathing suit in public, annual pap smears and the dentist. Not a lot of fun. I shared my measures and the sweet lady named Tina said, "That's it? Well those aren't THAT bad!" Wwhhhhaaaaatttttt! I said no judgement, your opinion = your judgement. No thank you, but thanks for the back door compliment, I guess.

Picking up where I left off...

Last year around this time was kind of a low point for Brent and I. We had just failed IVF and the fertility doctors told me that I had to take the summer off. Like it was something I could turn on/turn off!
Anyways, i decided to try acupuncture not only for fertility but for overall health. Well, we know that it worked! ;) I had also decided to really embrace and push my health and physical abilities. That came to a screeching halt whenI found out I was pregnant. I was afraid to cough! I had a perfect pregnancy, very boring, very blessed. Now, he's here and I find myself feeling complete, satisfied, very "I told you I could have a baby" and lest I admit frumpy. The pregnancy never kicks my butt it's the post partum and nursing. I can't control myself with eating. In my defense i dont ever feel full. Im always hungry. I thought it would be a good idea to track my calories and be present while consuming them! Today I start anew. Today I am being mindful of what goes in and am going to try to move a little more. It's a fine balance with nursing because you have to keep up your calories! But I figure if I could start to see the scale move about a pound a week, that that would be more than reasonable. Nine months on, nine months off.
So I went to the Mecca, Wegmans, and spent 100 bucks on god knows what. I bought kale for crying out loud. I wanted to try it, and let's say it's gross roasted. I bought coconut water. That wasn't too bad, but I think it would have been better spent in a piña colada, just saying. So it's lunch and according to my app for counting calories I'm at 1453. That leaves me with just 350 or so for dinner and another snack. I'm thinking 1800 calories shouldn't impact my milk supply. Here goes nothing!

Tings I forgot but am so happy to remember

Alex was a true blessing, somas Allison! My children will never say they weren't wanted! It's been four years since I had a baby so herenare some things I forgot....
*the snap of a nursing bra, the snap of my breast friend pillow
*the limp body once Alex is finally asleep
*toothless grins
*the way a baby's head smells
*the baby burrito
*bucket car seats, not a fan, why do they cause you to lean away, the callouses from carryig them
*the click and lame songs of our swing
*going to the bathroom while holding a baby
*baby bathtubs
*gravity defying poops
*breastfed poops in general
*the power of white noise
*never standing still while holding Alex
*tracking input/output
*breast pump and drinking water like my life depends on it
*Baby Einstein, those videos are like baby drugs
*onesies
*mastering a diaper change, onesie snaps and zippers, nursing and swaddling all in the dark
*little baby feet and noses--feeling like I could really eat him!
*the sense of accomplishment after a good pumping session
*the pack n play
*the amount of crap you need when traveling, and how it doesn't matter if it's one night versus a week, it's still a lot of crap!
*tremendous pride when you can successfully transfer from the car seat to bed without the baby waking up
And so much more!

Dear Lord

Thank you for blessing me with a baby that sleeps. Anytime. Anyplace. I think he does what babies are supposed to do. His big sister? Not so much.....at least not when she was a baby.....

Back to the Beach

We are back at the beach! Brent has meetings in Va Beach and we are all with him. Loving that! As I type this and other posts, I'm doing it with a baby on my lap. no complaints. We did get some swimming in this morning. At least Brent and Allison did. Alex and I just nursed and slept poolside.

It is raining here, so we are hanging out....

Allison's First and likely LAST dance recital

This past Father's Day weekend, we embarked on what I would consider a rite of passage of parents with daughters. The infamous dance recital! It was very pink, purple and adorable. Sad thing is I think it was our last. I was a "career" dancer if you will, forcing my parents to endure years of dance recitals. Allison is a more one and done. She didn't enjoy it, she really didn't. It was hard to have her not enjoy dance as much as I did, but I recognize it and I am just trying to encourage her with her other pursuits. At this point, he other pursuit is gymnastics. She will be taking a Level I class this summer with 5-8 year olds. Yikes! So I digress, here are some pictures from her recital. I have a video too that I'll end up putting on my me site. She did an amazing job and honestly was the only dancer to actually (imagine that) dance. It was precious and if it's the last, at least it happened!

Strawberry Fields Forever and ever

We went strawberry picking again! Yeah! We journeyed back to Hollins Farm in Delaplane. I love that place. This year we had two more additions, Alex of course and then Connie went with us. She has been staying with us as she is in between houses right now. We ended up picking 2 gallons of strawberries. Then we came home and I made a strawberry crumble, strawberry jam, chocolate covered strawberries, froze some strawberries, stawberrry smoothies and finally strawberry shortcakes. After awhile it felt like Bubba Gump and the shrimp......

Landscaping Pictures

Here's what my super hubby got done in the front yard.





He took out three large holly bushes and then planted some laroppi and planted three more more manageable holly plants. The bare space is where my flowers will go and the last picture is the corner where we planted some ground cover and a Japanese maple tree. Which we got a super deal on at Betty's.
Since I took these pictures, Allison and Connie planted vinca in the flower garden and some mulch in the beds. Azaleas have been transplanted to the back and we moved another holly to the side of the garage. I'm tired just looking at it all........

Grr, ugh, and sigh

This morning was our first trial run at getting up, showered, dressed and fed by 7:45. I am happy to report that it was successful and we all survived! Then I decided after dropping Allison off at her preschool, that I would stop in the baby room to "let" the teachers hold and swoon over Alex. Then the grr, ugh, and sighs started and some tears. I hate this. I don't like change and I want to be with my baby!! I hate pumping (the things I have done for breast milk are embarrassing!) and I am not sure how I feel about working. My boss has this whole "a patients first" mentality. Which given the state of healthcare and the endless medical mistakes isn't a bad thing, but I don't make mistakes, I'm careful and honest with my patients I don't want my patients to interfere with my family time!, ugh! Then there's my husband who's has almost drawn his sword with is proclamations of, "you will go back to work". Sigh. Then there's me. The therapist who's really loves her job and her patients. It's just that I know how the story goes....they run late, they have insurance issues, the paperwork, the meetings....it's just not all that exciting to me anymore. I hope this feeling goes away and once I am back I'm not sucked into the crap. I feel like I'm doing the right thing and honestly my schedule is not that awful. I'll see patients Tues, Thurs and Friday and in the office at 8:30, done by 3. Grr, ugh. At a least that's when the patient leaves, if they are on time and don't need extra paperwork! Which trust me they usually do! Sigh. I hate the thought of someone holding Alex and seeing him smile and coo and laugh. I really do. I just don't know how to balance it all right now. Daycare is expensive and I want to make it worthwhile and Allison really enjoys her preschool and the program. It's just my baby boy that I will miss terribly. And to make matters worse, this isn't a financial issue. I don't have to work. It's a lifestyle thing. We (more he) wants to be able to anywhere we want, buy what ever we want, etc. Trust me I enjoy that too, I just don't know what I would prefer right now that luxury or the time with Alex. Sometimes 3 months isn't enough. I'm going back with an open mind and I hope the empty pit in my stomach and heart gets better. Grr, ugh and sigh.

Another 3 months? Screw it and then plant it!

Yikes. I'm a bad, really bad blogger! I thought it was before I was pregnant and had such bad carpal tunnel but know I think I'm just a bad blogger. I stink at updating baby books too, so this is really the only shot my kids are going to get. I should buck up!
I've been thinking of ways to update and there is no good way and frankly those who read this blog (insert crickets chirping here) are close family and friends and they know that Alex was born and that he's perfect and we won the baby lottery, and Allison is your typical perfect 4 year old girl who is having a period of HIGH drama but otherwise a well adjusted and well mannered little girl. So, screw it. I'm not updating we are going to go forward. I may revisit SOME things, but with how my life is going and how busy I am I don't think so.....

I will now provide an update. Not on the above mentioned children but on my husband. I love Brent :)((That's not the update!))

He has spent the ENTIRE weekend working on our landscaping. Some background: we have an ongoing list of things that we want to change or projects that we want to start in and around the house. There are definite He/She items on this list. The yard falls under HE. Last weekend, we had the pleasure of inviting Russ and Faye Davis over for dinner. Russ is the mastermind behind Montclair Landscaping, a company that Brent worked for pre-union days. Getting his hands dirty is something that Brent truly enjoys and is amazing at. The patience he demonstrates is limitless, I don't see it with our kiddos, maybe that because the plants don't talk back??
After dinner last week, Russ walked outside with Brent and passed along some ideas/tips for our landscaping. That was all the motivation my little green thumbed husband needed. We have spent the weekend (We meaning HE, I've stayed in the cool A/C!) digging, moving, analyzing, shopping, inspecting, shoveling, raking, composting, fertilizing and every other -ing verb that relates to the yard. He is doing an incredible job. He is tired, sore (not as young as he used to be!) and covered in blisters, but honestly he seems right at home in the yard with all of the gnats. Who by the way are another reason that I stay inside, they are awful! I just wanted him to know that I am proud of him for doing a great job and even more excited that we get to cross off something from our list. That is the best feeling! I will post pics once it's done.

3 Months??

Wow, it's been awhile since I've blogged! We have had Thanksgiving, Allison's 4th, Christmas and our annual trip to Florida. Perhaps to simplify, I may just post pictures. Is that lame? Probably. But it gets me caught up in a jiffy! We'll see. If I get another snow day (had my first one in 9 years of working this past week) I will blog. On second thought, I'll hit all the highlights!

In need of a chill pill

Allison has been sick, nothing and I mean nothing stresses me out more than my baby girl being sick. I lie in bed thinking the worst--sometimes my medical background isn't a good thing--and then I realize I'm not sleeping, and the mind starts.....where's the dog? Does he have to go to the bathroom? Do I smell pee? Please no poo in the bedroom! I should sleep for the baby, the baby needs sleep, the mind goes round and round. So frustrating. Allison's fever returned today which means no school for her tomorrow. I'm fortunate in the fact that my mom will be here in the morning, then Connie, then Brent in the afternoon. I'm lucky but insert mommy guilt here. This is always tough with working part time. I know the good mommy in me needs to get out of the house, but she's sick and frankly when she's sick, I'm the one she wants/needs/asks for. The worst. I'm thankful that she's not sick a lot because frankly I think I would have quit working!
Speaking of work, I checked my work email today which I typically do at least once a day, only to find an email from my boss's boss. Never good. Even worse, it was a forward from the President of the hospital. Double score. So the stressed out momma in me is now convinced that my job of the clinical coordinator is now toast. Totally irrational.
Then there's the sickness. I can't get sick. I don't want to be sick. I mean who does. But nothing and I mean nothing can hurt this baby in my tummy. Please God no. Again, I'm irrational. Or as my adoring, concerned and supportive husband put it, "Stop being psycho". Helpful advice as always, B.
Dinner is done for tonight, phew. And I've already informed the family that Brent has bedtime duty and I am taking a bubble bath. That's as close to a glass of wine that this momma's gonna get.

Calgon take me away!

Start of Halloween Fun

This weekend was Boo at the Zoo and I had decided to start some week-long Halloween festivities around the house. What is it about Halloween that turns us all into crazed mommies?? Maybe the candy? Who knows. Which by the way I am trying to remind myself that no where in the Food Guide Pyramid is "Halloween Candy", there isn't a daily requirement, really.

On Saturday, we decided to make some witch's brew. Allison has been practicing for her Halloween concert on Friday and one of the songs is "Witches Brew", I just got her a new science book so it was the perfect scenario for some science/Halloween fun. The first step was to find some glass jars--easy enough since Connie did the canning this year. Check. Next step was to fill each jar with clear vinegar--we opted for about 1/2 full. Step 3 was to add dishsoap. ((note cute Murphy in this picture!))
Check. Step 4 was to add the glitter and stars oh and the food coloring--which may have been combined with step 3.
Last but not least was the baking soda. We added a tablespoon (generous) and voila! Allison sang her song while we watched the experiment foam all over the place. As you can see it was a success!




Earlier in the day on Saturday, Brent and I decided to take Allison to get her flu vaccine for the season. We are off to Indiana for a wedding in November and we need to be healthy! I had gotten my shot, Brent his, so she was the one left out of the "fun"! Well, Saturday night guess who woke up with a low grade fever? Then Sunday morning, fever continued and guess who decided to toss their breakfast all over the couch? Seriously, not fun. I don't handle vomit all too well (better then Brent though!) but being prego oh it was tough. She looked and felt awful. Ended up watching Beauty and the Beast, she slept on the couch (it was clean!) and the mommy guilt set in. I mean I took my "healthy" kid to get a shot that has now caused her harm. I feverishly starting to think of things I could do to make it up to her. Which is funny, really, because it's not like she was blaming me, but man I felt terrible. And Boo at the Zoo? It was debatable, I wasn't going to put her in a situation of getting sicker. The worst. Around 12:30 that afternoon, her fever peaked at 101, she asked to go to bed (THAT NEVER HAPPENS) and Brent and I decided to drug her. We aren't very quick with the meds around the house especially when it comes to Allison. I prefer to let her "cook" and have her own body fight it off, but when your otherwise highly animated/talkative daughter requests her bed, drug intervention is indicated. So, Daddy carried her up the stairs, I brought the bucket, sippy cup and ice pack. Tucked her in and off to rest time she went. Allison responds REALLY well and REALLY quickly to Tylenol. Motrin doesn't help her, Tylenol is her friend. Within 20 minutes, her fever had broke and she was hungry. I was nervous, but we started slow first with crackers, then toast, then applesauce. Nothing made a second appearance, so we were encouraged. And then she started asking about Boo at the Zoo. I was torn, I really was. She looked and felt better but I knew it was just the magic elixir, Tylenol. I just asked her to rest in her room and we could go. I figured (after calling my mom and Brent's mom for adivce too!) her disappointment would be much, much, much worse than any fever could handle. Around 4 pm, we rallied, showered and got dressed for the evening. I packed her dinner and loaded up with paper products, plastic bags and of course the bucket. Just in case.
She slept on the way there (blessing)--oh and we had given her more magic elixir. We arrived at the Zoo, got our orange bags and took Tinkerbell in her stroller. We were crazed. No getting out of the stroller (she didn't even ask!) and we flew threw the festivities. Brent pushed the stroller (they give everyone an orange bag for goodies and let me tell you I felt some kind of pathetic lagging behind them with my orange bag and saying Trick or treat. It was kind of pathetic. I think my bump was the only redeeming quality!
We got through it, got home and put her to bed around 9. About 10, her fever was up again. Another dose of magic elixir and she slept through the night. Woke up Monday morning fever free and HUNGRY. Phew. Dodged another one, at least so far.

Family Scavenger Hunt

This past Columbus Day weekend, we decided to have a nature themed scavenger hunt in our local park. We made our list, packed a bag with some snacks and off we went. We wanted to bring Murphy but since he isn't fully vaccinated I didn't want to take a chance with all of the deer and critters in the woods. So he rested in his crate. ((which by the way he HATES!))
On our list, shown here, we had to find all different colors of leaves-green, yellow, red, orange and brown. Next was sticks, flowers and rocks. The hardest thing to find was acorns, but they are in abundance in our backyard, so we "cheated" a little. Also we put two "Wildcard" options on the list. We wanted Allison to find something in the woods and then get excited about her big find. Our wildcards were berries and pinecones. She really enjoyed being an explorer and we are planning to make a wreath to hang with all of our findings. Once we get that done (I have to get some heavy duty paper plates!), I'll post a picture of our masterpiece.

Halloween Pictures

Ever since Allison was a wee baby I have sent out Halloween cards to family that wouldn't be able to see her in her costume for the big day. It has become a tradition, so here are some shots from this year's event. I ended up taking 85 pictues, yikes, I guess I'm camera happy. As you can see, Allison is going to be Tinkerbell for Halloween, which poses a challenge for me. I usually dress up with her and due to my growing girth, I'm not interested in donning a green leotard and tights and calling myself, "Linda Pan!". That's Allison's version of the female Peter Pan. Right now, I'm leaning towards Wendy, but that means that Allison will have to watch Peter Pan, which is scary for a 3 year old. Captain Hook is also a possibility, she knows him! But that nose....and hook. Not sure.

Bailey

This is a post that I know I need to do, writing and getting all of my feelings out is very helpful. It's just I don't want to, I'm still heartbroken over our dumb dog. Here's Bailey's story: (and here comes my tears as I type!)
Bailey was a gift from Brent to me when I graduated from JMU in 1998. We got him from a breeder in Fredericksburg. I still remember going and picking him up. We knew we wanted a boy dog, there was only one left. He was in the bottom of the pile of female puppies. I remember the breeder picking up the puppies one by one sorting them based on their anatomical parts. Then there he was, so small and so cute. I took him, he whimpered a little and then wrapped him in a towel. Then his dad showed up. We knew we were in for it, Bailey's dad was ginormous for a golden. He was truly the size of a mastiff--very broad shoulders and just a big dog. I was still living with my mom at the time so I took Bailey home and began the journey of raising him. We crate trained him and his first night with me was rough--he walked in his crate and cried all night long. I can remember thinking I wouldn't make it as a parent! Bailey continued to stay with my mom while Brent was at his mom's and I went off to PT school. When Brent would visit, so would Bailey. Bailey was always a lap dog, he had NO concept of his size or strength. We have countless pictures of him sleeping on us, sitting on us, just being with us. He would prefer sleeping in to getting up early, laying in the sun over chasing balls and sitting with you over exploring on his own. We always said we were blessed with the lover and not the fighter. Which brings me to another point, Bailey NEVER showed any aggression towards me, Allison, no one. He was attacked twice by other dogs--the first was when Allison was about 4 1/2 months old and a husky charged though our fence in South Riding. I remember I heard the fuss, literally (gently) tossed Allison on the floor and ran out the door. I never thought twice and got in the middle of the dogs, grabbed the husky and threw him out of our yard (super human mommy strength kicked in!) and then comforted Bailey. He was mortified, and Momma was ticked.
Bailey loved going on hikes, specifically Prince William Forest Park. We would go running along trails and chase whatever moved. There was one rock that Bailey always climbed on and posed--think Lion King, that's what it really looked like!
Bailey went on car trips with us. You never knew he was in the car, he would just lay down and sleep, no whimpers no cries. I remember one Christmas I even made my Mom and Nick repack the car because I didn't want Bailey to be too far in the back and wanted to be able to get to him if he needed anything.
When Allison was born, Bailey assumed the 3rd parent role. He got up with me when she cried and was with me through diaper changes and even got in on the fun of tummy time. I'll be honest, his loyalty to me with taking care of allison lasted about 2 weeks then in typical Bailey fashion, he opted to learn to sleep through her cries. I think he was the only one who could! He always woke up and acknowledged me but opted to roll over instead of getting up. It was important for us for Bailey to know he was still an important member of our pack and I was completely fine with my new baby being licked and sniffed by Bailey. And he was protective of me and of her. Not in an aggressive way, but especially when Brent was gone or not around Bailey became the alpha dog. Especially on walks. When Allison was in the stroller and someone was passing us on the street, Bailey would step in front of the stroller (blocking any further progress) and stand and wait and watch for the person to walk by. It wasn't a mean gesture, it was a gesture of love and his way of saying, "this is my pack and I'm in charge!" Which is funny, but he was not a macho man! But in his own way he expressed his love and concern for us. And on walks, he was ALWAYS in front. There was no heeling. He was in front checking out the sights before we all got there. Which became challenging with a stroller, but we made it work. I can remember walking with Maura and Jen with their strollers and explaining to them that Bailey had to be in front--just go with it, he will be in front!
Bailey caught a bird once. I cam remember seeing him in the backyard (this is when we lived in Greenbriar) and he was just holding the bird in his paws. It was obivious to us he had no idea what to do. Eventually the bird got out of our yard and Brent and I were convinced the bird flew off and told his bird friends of the silly not so smart dog in the yard and to feel free to fly and do whatever you had to do there because the dog wouldn't hurt you!
When he was mad at us, we knew. He was famous for getting in to our bathroom trash and shredding tissues, whatever he could get his hands or paws on! And if we traveled without him, he literally ignored us for what felt like days. He would welcome us home and then poof, walk away and stay away for hours. Again his way of saying, "unacceptable Mom and Dad!"
Bailey liked to have paw held. Most of the time he would lie on the floor and you would have to hold his paw while he laid on the floor. If you dropped his paw, he growled at you and quickly raised head with a gesture that said, "Umm, excuse me, no, hold it!"
And his food. Water had to be on the left and food on the right. Get that wrong and he wouldn't eat. We put peas in his food and Hhs food HAD to be shaken twice during meal time. Once when you gave it to him and then again when he was just about done. If you weren't around, he would stomp, literally and growl at his food. If he drooled too much in his dry food, he wouldn't eat and you would have to throw it all away and start over--shaking and all.
Then there was exercise. He was not the chase the ball kind of dog in fact it was funny how lazy he really was. We would throw a ball and he would just look at it, and in his own way say, "you threw it, you go get it!"
The folks who knew Bailey instantly knew how special he was. We have such treasured gifts of people who acknowledged his uniqueness and knew how deeply we cared for him. Hand-painted Christmas ornaments, plaques, even a Tshirt with his picture on it. By far the most treasured gift came from Connie, she had her neighbor artist Raymond Bell paint Bailey. He captured Bailey's gaze and when I opened the gift I cried like a baby because it was like looking Bailey! We have since moved the portrait from our basement to our upstairs hallway so that we can see Bailey whenever we walk out of our bedroom.
I have so many fond and silly memories of Bailey. (baby!) But I really think he came into our lives to teach Brent and I about unconditional love and the begin to prepare us for parenthood. He taught us the importance of making special time just to go for a poop walk or the importance of a good belly rub. And no matter how busy we were, he wanted us to hold his paw for not only his comfort but ours. He was happiest when he was with us and when we were with him. He was so patient with Allison, He endured her crawling on him, pulling his fur, his ears and he never batted an eye, growled or grimaced. He taught her what it was like to be a big sibling, to be patient and share time with Mom and Dad.
I still find myself talking to him like I did when he was with us. I must say he slept with me every night especially when Brent was on travel. He was our night watchman making sure his pack was okay. He would stay in bed with me until I fell asleep and then he went to the floor and slept aside of me.
Bailey was the best dog and we still miss him terribly. Even up to his last moments of life, he wanted me to hold his paw, which i did. We are so thankful he was in our life and he made us better parents.

First Day of Preschool - it's a big deal!

Allison made the big transition from her nursery school to preschool. Brent and I can't begin to express how wonderful the Inova Childcare Center is at Fair Oaks. Allison has been there since she was about 4 months old. The staff and teachers there have taught me so much about being a mom. I think the best part is that when I drop her off they always ask how she is doing, talk to her and finally ask me how I'm doing. It's so nice! Because Allison wasn't going to a different center or school, we tried to make it a big deal and get her a new book bag just for preschool.



Allison began preschool in September. Brent went into the office later so that he could come with me and drop her off and get things set up in her cubby. Which for a preschooler is the locker equivalent, it's a big deal! She is able to keep her blanket and soft friend and (here's the big deal part) she can put anything and everything else she may find on a walk, on the playground, the possibilities are limitless! Oh it's a big deal! Then there's the sunshine corner. That's the preschool of equivalent of the naughty spot. So far Allison has been there once, apparently she had a bit of a breakdown and needed to chill out. She hasn't forgotten about it and gives me daily updates on who if anyone had to go to the sunshine corner. Oh and she gets to have weekly jobs, also a big deal. She always tells me her job(s) and if it was one she waned to have or not. So far, she has only liked watering the plants and feeding the fish.

Cox Farms with the Cousins

The weekend after we lost Bailey, we headed out to Cox farms. My heart was heavy and I really wanted to stay in bed and woe is me, but after puking my guts out (thank you pregnancy, really) I rallied and headed out! I was very happy I did! We were able to catch up with Gigi, and our nephews John and Andrew. We have wanted to take them to Cox Farms for some time now. As you know, attendance at Cox Farms is a must-do in Northern Virginia.
We headed first to the slides. So much fun! We had talked to John and Andrew about "hanging out with Allison". We wanted them to know that we didn't expect them to "watch" her all day but we wanted them to know that if they ran off away from us, chances are she would do the same. Words cannot express how AWESOME they were with her. Here's some pictures from our day!






I can't let this post go without mentioning about Andrew tackling a pig. He just went up to the pig and decided you are going down. And then there it was pig down! Pig down! Hilarious. This kid makes me smile.

Allison's gonna be a big sister

The video is too large for the blog. I posted it on our mobile Me account. Below is the link. Not sure if it works or not.


http://gallery.me.com/katie929/100081

Ode to Emily, Ashley, Alla and Daniqua: Allison's imaginary sisters

Well, at LONG last the Bookers are finally going to be a family of four! That's right, I'm pregnant! I'm in my 12th week and hopefully slowly becoming a lighter shade of green.
It's with mixed emotions, I'm not fond of change but boy oh boy (or girl) I have wanted this to happen for a LONG time. It almost became my "identity", I mean who am I if I'm not checking temperatures, taking drugs, shots, etc. And now it's finally here. It's super important for me to mention that Brent and I (obivously) "did" (probably not the most appropriate word choice) on our own. No drugs, no injections, no ultrasounds in bad places, no bloodwork, no speculums, you get the picture.
We walked that walk for a LONG time. Our journey was hitting the two year mark this September. Wow, that's a long time to be going through this emotional up and down roller coaster. I know a lot of folks are "curious" about our story since we purposely didn't talk about it. And why would we? It sucked. In the midst of "treatments" you are a slave to the whole process. And what a backwards investment. There are no guarantees. It was just a bunch of high's and low's And trust me, we had them. At one point, I was doing four shots / day. Not fun. You reach a whole new level in your marriage when you ask your husband to shoot you in the touschiss with a drug that may or may not work. I do remember sitting in the doctor's office, most of the time it was packed with stressed out ladies before 7 am and thinking, Wow, look at all of us, we all want to be Mommies. It always touched me in someway the lengths that we were all going to just to have a little baby/person/human look at us, smile and say, "Momma". But I can look bad at all of our ups and downs (I don't feel like typing the nitty gritty, just know we were up A LOT and down A LOT) and now know that our journey was perfect and has all been leading up to this day, this pregnancy and at long last this baby. I have already scoped out onesies that WILL say, "I was worth the wait!"
Allison is aware of the new development and when I can get a moment I will load the video of us telling her that "Mommy has a baby in her belly". It is the most precious thing but I'm obivously biased. WOO HOO!